For those not in the know, June is my birthday month. I’ve always loved celebrating my birthday, being with those that I love and who love me back and most importantly, reflecting on the year I had and focusing on the year to come.
Well, this year feels different. I have been/ am working on me; spiritually, mentally, physically & emotionally. I have been on a long journey with regards to my physical health. I have been more focused and putting in the work with diet and exercise and I am feeling myself a little bit 😉. I have worked on loving myself through every phase of my journey which is not always easy but, I’ve found, very necessary in my process and progress. I am feeling more confident, but not the fake confidence of my past. You know, the feigned exuberance often used as a defense mechanism to keep people from trying to dig too deep? Just me? Well, I feel good now, better than I’ve felt in years and my shine…it’s like I can’t turn it down. I gotta shine no matter what!!
I’m not where I want to be but I’m definitely on my way. Do I hate working out? Absolutely!! But I love the way I feel afterward. Some days, it’s hard to love what I see in the mirror as my body changes. But, even on the difficult days, I look at myself everyday in a full-length mirror and I tell the woman that I see there that I love her and that though the journey is hard, she is worthy and worth it. I took a picture of myself on our recent trip to Vegas and I struggled with whether to share it. When I first took it, I loved it but then slowly started to pick myself apart. Well, FUNK THAT!! I can look at myself and see my blemishes as battle scars; that means I have survived many battles and I have so many things to be thankful for. I can look at my body, see the imperfections and find beauty in the fact that God allowed me to carry a life in my womb. I’m thankful for that. I am strong and all my parts are in good, working order. I am thankful for that. I have soundness of mind (most days). I am thankful for that. My spiritual foundation is strong and continually nurtured and growing. I am thankful for that. Most importantly, I feel all the feels about all the things. I no longer try to numb my feelings with food, drink and other forms of camouflage. I am thankful for that.
So, as my birthday approaches, I revel in all that I have learned and continue to discover about myself. Here I stand in all of my glory ready to shine, no matter what.
This is the face of a woman who is down another -3.6lbs. Whoot!! Whoot!!
This was a hard week. Because I take a large dosage of iron daily and because my diet is now very high protein, constipation is an issue. I had to take a day off this week because of it but all systems are working properly again…for now.
Also, I found myself craving food this week. Let me classify that. The size of my stomach allows me to get full on about an ounce of food so I am never really hungry. In fact, I have a hard time most days getting in the required protein shakes and water. Let me give you an example…
Example 1: Long hard day at work. You want to call up your friends and meet at the local watering hole for libations and appetizers. Denied!! It’s not that I will never be able to do that again but I can’t do that now.
Example 2: Date Night!!! What used to be dinner and movie isn’t the same when you are on a liquid diet.
Example 3: Your friend/family member comes to visit after having been gone for a while. Let’s go out to eat and have some drinks. Denied!!
I could go on and on. What I’m saying when I say I ‘craved’ food is more about the mental side of this journey. So many of our social interactions center around food and beverages. It is going to be a process to learn how to be social without the part that includes shoveling food into my face indiscriminately. I will have to meet for girl talk without the high-calorie coffee drink and pastry.
It’s all a process and I am rebooting my relationship with food, with people and with life. Just taking things one day at a time.
Seriously though, I could not be more excited to share with you. We were on vacation in California last week. Friday morning, I missed a call from my surgeons office. I checked my voicemail and called right back thinking there was yet another hang up. The insurance coordinator said “We got you approved for your surgery. I can give you some dates for your pre-surgery and surgery to consider”. I dropped the phone. I picked it back up really quickly and grabbed my calendar. She said “You can call me back if you need to check the dates and coordinate with your work schedule”. I assured her that would not be necessary and that I am not waiting any longer than I have to.
So, here it is…I have pre-surgery education that lasts all day on 7/20 and then my surgery is scheduled for 7/29. LESS THAN A MONTH AWAY!!! I am excited and nervous but most importantly, I’m ready.
Don’t worry, I wouldn’t bring you along to this point in the journey and just leave you hanging. I will make sure to keep you all updated every step of the way up to the surgery and post-surgery.
It has been about 3 months since my last post. I’ve had a lot going on and had to take a break. Now that I have a minute, I thought i would share where I am on the journey to my Lap-Band surgery.
Here is a recap…
In order for the insurance to consider coverage of the procedure, I had to do six, consecutive months of appointments; each month had to include at least one visit with my primary care doctor and one visit with a medical nutritionist. Then, I had a ton (only a slight exaggeration) of pre-surgery testing to get done. I had to get an upper GI, abdominal xray, abdominal ultrasound, PFT, chest xray, EKG, Echo and extensive labs. I also had to have a mental health assessment and ended up having to have a sleep study because I sleep with a CPAP machine and it had been 10yrs since my last evaluation. I had my last test on May 30th.
Now, I am playing the waiting game. I am waiting for the last portion of records to be sent to the surgeons office so they can submit to the insurance for authorization. I am an active waiter though because I call the hold outs every other day and I will until it is sent. After the insurance authorization is received, we can set a date. My plan was to be able to have the surgery this month for my 40th birthday but it looks like it’s going to be in July. Not the way I planned it but still OK. I am getting anxious though.
So, that is where we are as it pertains to the surgery. I have decided that I am going to live stream some of my pre/post surgery time and also do a few vlog entries so stay tuned…
It’s Tuesday…weigh-in day. I skipped last week because I had stuff to do pertaining to our taxes. Plus, I knew it would be a bad week after playing Granny 🙂
I was up 3lbs. I wasn’t too upset though. I had a good week but I know I need to increase my water and I am days away from the beginning of my cycle so I’m bloated. I lost inches in my chest and waist but gained in my legs so they canceled each other out.
We talked with Eva today about feeling tired of the program; I’ve been on it off and on for over a year. I am ready to be done! I know what it takes to get to that point but I’ve been bullshitting as of late. No more! I’ve set a goal date of my birthday (June 27th) as my 100lb mark. I’m more than halfway there.
My motivation for the week to come is this quote from Maya Angelou.
Its a reminder to me that this journey I’m on is going to be hard work but it is worth it. I am worth it!
The quote of the week at the clinic spoke to me as well.
It will remind me to keep going and take one day at a time.
This was not my best week but not my worst either. No matter what, I’ve got to keep going.
“Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.” Napoleon Hill
I took this selfie the other day while st my Ideal Protein weigh-in/ coaching appointment.
Its been a tough couple of weeks and my coach, Eva, and I have been working on getting me over this plateau I’ve hit. Honestly, I got a little bored. I was tired of eating the same shit! Eva explained that even though I was having gains of a few pounds (from cheating), it is important to keep sticking to the plan and keep coming to my weekly appointments. We remixed my menu a bit and got Tomi back on board and I think I am headed in the right direction again. Most importantly, no matter how tempted I was, I didn’t quit.
Well, after a weekend of grazing on ‘whole’ foods, I gained a pound. I am back on track though so next week should be back to my normal loss ration of about 3lbs. We were out of town for the weekend and had to eat out quite a bit and our options weren’t always the best.
The one thing that I appreciate about where I am mentally with doing Ideal Protein this time is that I can recognize where I went wrong and because I was mentally ready this time, a small derail doesn’t cause me to go completely off track.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Tomi and I don’t do anything special for this day because we are awesome to one another every day. That being said, I move on to the real reason for my post.
I had my Ideal Protein weigh-in this past Wednesday (2/12) and I am down another 8.8lbs. I have lost a total of 18.6lbs since I started the program on January 19th! I am feeling very excited and very good about my progress. I am down a total of 4.75in in my measurements since I started.
I would like to say a special thank you to my honey, friends, family and even complete strangers for being so extremely supportive as I navigate my weight loss journey. There are definitely some days that are a big struggle but it helps to draw on the strength of others when I need to.
As the new year approaches, I find that I am falling apart. At least that’s how I’m feeling. I’m fatter than I’ve ever been, my sciatica is debilitating but I’m too heavy to have an MRI to further assess the issue. Right now, all I can do is take narcotics to ‘help’ with the pain that never really goes away. I can’t sit up for any length of time without pain and laying down doesn’t help much either.
I got a letter the other day that my wages will be garnished starting with my first paycheck in 2014 for my student loans. My credit is crappy and my life feels like its spiraling out of control.
I am feeling sad and depressed and I am in tears daily. I am just really disappointed at the state of my life right now and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to believe that God has a plan; that He is trying to show me how strong I am. He is preparing me for newness and change. I am choosing to walk in the faith and trust in the promise that God will never put more on me than I can bear. I have to trust that if He brought me to it, He’ll bring me through it.
I am going to pray. I am going to write (it helps bring clarity). I am going to affirm myself and speak and think positive things into my life. I am going to work to prepare myself to receive the greatness that God is going to shower into my life. I believe it and I am open to receive it. I am feeling discouraged but I cannot give up. I am choosing to acknowledge the bad things but not wallow in them. As long as there is breath in my lungs, I have to believe there is a purpose I haven’t fulfilled.
This was a very busy week! Usually, I eat the worst when I’m busy. Who has time to think about eating properly when there are so many other things on the proverbial plate? Well, it has gotten to the point where I don’t really have to think about it anymore. Tomi and I have been trying to make sure that we have healthy snacks around the house as well as healthy options for lunches and dinners. That way, no matter what we reach for when a jones hits, we’ll be making a good choice as long as we keep portion control in mind.
This weekend was the Employee Recognition Banquet for Kadlec and I was all prepared to eat horribly. Well, my plan was foiled by…bacon. I had a huge pile of mashed potatoes along with pasta. Well, the potatoes had bacon in them so as a non-meat eater, I couldn’t partake. This is a good thing because I would’ve felt so guilty afterward. The largest portion of food on my dinner plate was salad and fruit. I did eat 3 pieces of cheesecake and almost an entire bottle of wine so I got an extra workout in to ‘pay’ for that.
This week, Tomi & I have decided to work on meal planning. We will sit down on Saturday and plan out lunches & dinners for the week and then shop accordingly. We have incorporated workout planning. We are going to put our workouts on our family calendar just like all our other appointments and come up with a consequence for when there is a cancel or reschedule. I am hoping this will help me be more consistent with working out because I HATE IT!
The last change I’ve vowed to work toward is getting more sleep each night so goodnight! 4am is going to arrive quickly.