Tag Archives: starting over

Hotmess.org.com.life

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Please don’t go typing that in because it is not an actual website; I think.

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Instead, think of it as a very accurate description of my current mental, emotional and physical state. My stress level is HIGH!!

I am having a couple of eye surgeries; the first of which is coming up next month. I have to be honest and say that I am freaking out just a little

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I have an eye disease called Keratoconus which has gotten progressively worse and has started to affect my vision and the ability to correct my vision with contacts or glasses. I am legally blind in the left eye and that will require a corneal transplant which I will be having around the end of summer. The procedure that I am having next month is called Corneal CrossLinking. I am having it all done at a clinic in Walla Walla, WA which is about an hour away from home and I am having to take a bunch of time off of work. Needless to say, my anxiety and stress level is HIGH.

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My hair is falling out, my skin is a mess, I keep breaking out in hives, I can’t concentrate and all I want to do is sleep and eat. Speaking of eating…

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At the beginning of this weight loss adventure, I promised myself that I would be completely transparent; no filter. That being said, I haven’t been following my program properly for the last two weeks. I haven’t been eating the right things, I haven’t been taking my supplements, I haven’t been logging my meals, drinking water like I am supposed to; just not doing anything I am supposed to. I usually start the day well and then by lunch, I get lazy and just eat whatever and then I think “I’ve ruined this day already so I may as well eat whatever I want for dinner”. It’s been a nasty cycle over the past couple of weeks. It also didn’t help that we went out of town two weekends in a row. I didn’t plan ahead which made staying on plan while travelling next to impossible. Have you ever tried to find something healthy to eat in a convenience store?
TODAY I’VE DECIDED TO STOP ALLOWING LIFE TO GET IN THE WAY OF MY SUCCESS! I gave myself a little pep talk/ kick-in-butt…
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I had my weigh-in today and came clean with my coach and declared tomorrow my official relaunch day. I gained 12lbs in two weeks but didn’t gain any inches; I’m down another 1.5in.
I am striving to “Look Great At 38!”

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Ideal Protein…The Remix!

I was on the Ideal Protein program before, a few years ago,  but the timing wasn’t right and I was not successful and had to stop.
Recently, I tried to start again. That day was a comedy of errors that resulted in me making the decision to stop, regroup, wait a couple days and then start again.
REEEEEMIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!!!!
Sunday, January 19th, 2014, I restarted my restart of Ideal Protein (You still with me?). I had a great week and followed the program to the letter. The program eliminates dairy, fruits and grains from your diet. My diet must have been carb & sugar heavy because I definitely went through some withdrawals but I stuck it out.
The good thing about the program is that you don’t ever feel hungry but I definitely had to fight a couple ugly behaviors that presented themselves; blind snacking and emotional eating. I had to find another outlet so I read more, wrote in my journal more and blogged more; that seemed to do the trick.
I had my first weigh-in on Friday, January 24th. I was so anxious about it that I was nauseous. I am down 9.6lbs. It felt so good to hear that I almost cried. It definitely gave me the boost I needed to jump into the next week with renewed strength of will. I am -9.6lbs closer to my first goal which is to get out of the 400 club.
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Starting Over (Embracing The Winds Of Change)

It wasn’t until we went on our honeymoon that I was truly faced with how fat I’ve gotten. Everyone wants to throw ‘curvy’ around, which I am, but I am fat. Period. There was not one aspect of the travel experience that wasn’t miserable for me. I think squeezing my bulk into the plane seats was the worst by far. I had bruises in my hip from the 12 total hours that the seat parts pressed into my flesh. Then, there was the walking, huffing and sweating my way through the airports. I don’t want this to be my life anymore.
The first thing I did when we got home is make a doctor appointment. I found out that my thyroid numbers are out of control, which is affecting my success when it comes to my weight loss attempts. Then, I joined Weight Watchers. I need help! I need a lifestyle change. I went to my first meeting this past Saturday and I cried when I read the number of my first weigh-in. Then, I said a small prayer and resolved to see that number go down and my health improve. I am tired…of being fat, unhealthy, self-conscious. I am tired of feeling like a failure every time I try and fail to lose weight. But I know that when I fall, as long as I get up and start again, I am NOT a failure. I truly feel like I am fighting for my life.
Tomi said that she is going to nag me about logging my points and getting my workout in. She said she will do whatever she has to in order to help me succeed.

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I am ready to be completely transparent; no filter. This is me. I am 37 years old. I am 6’0″ tall. At my first Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday, September 26th, 2013 , I weighed in at 455.2lbs. I am embarrassed to put myself out here like this. I am feeling very vulnerable and raw but most importantly, I feel ready.