Tag Archives: self-love

New Year, Same Me (Which Is Cool Because Most Days, I Think I’m Pretty Dope)…

Well, it only took me half of the month to catch up on life enough to complete my first blog post of the year. So much for starting the year with a consistent weekly post. Sheesh!! Anyway, let me get you all caught up on the life and times of me.

I brought in the new year with my honey and some friends and doing what I love to do…singing. We went originally to watch the show and Micah and Cat invited me up to join them on a couple of numbers. It was a blast!! Good company, good wine, good food and great memories.

Cat, Sara, Micah, Me, Tomi
In my zone

As of last Friday (my weigh-in day), I am down 70lbs since this whole weight loss thing started (down 4lbs for the week). Physically, I feel fantastic. I can move around without pain and without getting winded. I had been on muscle relaxers for chronic back pain for years and I haven’t taken them since surgery day. I can climb up and down the stairs in my house without having to climb on hands and knees like a toddler. My wife and I can go on walks with the dogs. We can go out dancing and instead of just part of a song, I dance through several songs and only have to sit down because a song comes on that I don’t like. I am enjoying the new found freedom that losing weight has afforded me.

I do have to say that extreme weight loss is a blessing and a curse. It has been a mental test getting use to my body as it changes. There are parts of me that hang that didn’t use to. My skin feels different to me, my clothes fit differently. My skin is changing, my hair is changing. It’s definitely interesting getting to know myself all over again. I don’t always like how I look with or without clothes. Some days are definitely better than others but I am learning and coping as I go.

I’m learning a few things…

Working out needs to be a priority. It helps you have more effective weight loss and helps you to gain muscle while you are losing weight. I’m getting more consistent with workouts but it is still my least favorite thing to do.

It is super important to take care of yourself mentally. Make time to pray, meditate, journal and pamper yourself. All the change is a lot mentally so you do not want to neglect your self-care; whatever that looks like for you.

Get use to never eating a hot meal again. That sounds weird but I honestly have not had a hot meal since I had surgery. The reality is that you just can’t eat it fast enough. The one thing this surgery forces you to do is slow down. You have to chew more because you don’t want to swallow big chunks (even of soft food). Believe it or not, you will get use to it.

Surround yourself with positive people who want to see you succeed. They don’t have to be on a weight loss journey (although you should have a few of those people in your life). Just make sure that they are not the people who are constantly offering you all the junk food and starchy goodness. Make sure they are people who are willing to listen to the occasional rant about ill-fitting clothing and a not-so-delicious new food. Most importanly, they need to be good cheerleaders who are willing to encrourage and slap that muffin out of your hand if need be. Someone willing to go on a walk with you and your dogs or offer alternatives for getting together other than eating and drinking (crafting dates, walking dates, mani/pedi dates).

Now, we are all caught up and ready to get back to our regularly scheduled program. I will be back on Friday with my weekly weigh-in


I Wanna Be Like…Mommy

Recently, I watched a clip from when Janelle Monae was on The Queen Latifa Show. It was beautiful to see her surprise her biggest fan on the show. What affected me most was Janelle being overcome with emotion at the idea that “little black girls would want to look like me”. Are you kidding me? There wasn’t a dry eye in the house.
My thoughts went to my daughter and who she looked up to and emulated as a child. My baby was a child of the ’90s/ ’00s and was a huge fan of Taina, Hillary Duff, Raven-Symoné and lots of other age-appropriate things. She wanted to be a Cheetah Girl and loved reading Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants..
But what about her personality? Her morals? What was/ is she presenting to the world? Where is she getting those things from? Oh shit! I should be her example for those things. I freaked out thinking back on all the times that I’m sure I got it all wrong; this whole mom thing. Deep breath…in through the nose, out through the mouth.
After I calmed down, I realized a few things. I did my best. I was a mom at 14 so I know I stumbled along the way but I had my grandmother, mom and aunts to help guide me. I was there. I made mistakes but I was there; volunteering at school, helping her through homework and heartbreak. I taught her to love her light-brown skin as part of the beautiful spectrum of little black girls.

I taught her to love her natural hair in all its wooly beauty. She’s growing dreads right now.
I taught her to love

and value herself.

And you know what?
My little black girl loves music, singing and dancing…just like me.

My little black girl loves books…just like me.
When I asked friends and family who know us both they say that my little black girl is sweet, funny, articulate, kind, giving and gorgeous…just like me.
My little black girl (although she’s a woman now) likes Beyoncé, Erykah Badu and Jill Scott but regardless of all the other influences, she’s always wanted to be like…Mommy.


10 Things I Am Loving Right Now

This has been a long and busy month but I made it through with a lot of things to be thankful for.

1.) God – Thank you for bringing me through.

2.) Tomi – We celebrated 11yrs together and 1yr married this month. I appreciate that you always consider me first. You are my rock!

3.) Family – Everyday, I thank God for my parents, my wife, my children, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings. I love you all.


4,) Ideal Protein – I appreciate the 40lbs I’ve lost.

5.) Adventure – My wife and I are adventurers and I am thankful for all the adventures we have.



6. Awesomely Luvvie One of the best blogs EVER!

7.) Babies – I have babies coming from three friends and three cousins. I love babies!

8.) Self-Love – I have been working on loving and taking care of myself.


9.) My Life – It may not be everything that I want right now but it is absolutely everything that I need.

10.) My mom – She is inspirational and amazing and beautiful.


Weekly Weigh-In

I am down another 3lbs and 3in this week!! I have lost 21.6lbs since January 19th. I have to tell you that it feels really good to be getting some results. I have tried and failed for years to lose weight and as many of you know, the dieting yo-yo can be a very discouraging thing. It makes me feel so good to have positive results week after week as long as I continue to do what I am supposed to do. 

i am not going to rush right out and start purchasing my new wardrobe but it is wonderful to have the clothes I have now fitting better and better each week. I am truly starting to feel good in my skin.

A special shout out to my wife, Tomi, for loving me no matter what size I am. Oh, and for being able to tell me no.



My Hair: The Ultimate Accessory


I was motivated to write this based on an experience the I had the other day. I was at the store grabbing a beverage and I saw a woman who I had seen from time to time. We were ‘Hi! How are you?’ Friends at most. It had been a little while since we’d seen one another and our conversation went like this…

Lady: Hey there! I haven’t seen you in a while.
Me: it has been a minute.
Lady: I see you changed your hair. You decided to go blonde? *side eye*
Me: I’ve probably had every color in the spectrum but I always come back to blonde. It’s my favorite.
Lady: I’m not sure I like it.
Me: To each, his own.
Lady: You should’ve gone brown or even black.
Me: hmmmm…perhaps you should pick one of those colors when you get your hair done. I will continue to do me.


There is a song by India Arie that says “I am not my hair, I am not this skin, I am the soul that lives within”. I love and live by this ideology. I am not defined by my physical attributes, things that I was given by God; nature. In the game of life, my skin, hair, eyes, body shape are all just part of the uniform that I was issued.
Unfortunately, people don’t mind giving you their opinion about the way you wear your ‘uniform’; the clothing you choose, how you style your hair and even how you should feel about your skin. I find that as a black woman, I am judged most harshly by other black women. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard ‘She would be pretty is she wasn’t so dark’ or ‘Why don’t you straighten your hair? It would be much prettier if it was straight’.
I choose to shake it off when people have something to say a out how I present myself to the world, especially as it pertains to my hair. I choose to see my hair as an accessory. I color it, cut it, fluff it, spike it and use it to accentuate my look. I recently cut it and bleached it and I have never felt sexier.
My motto for life…love me for who I am or leave me alone.