Often when I’m out, I’m reminded (in this case by a large, knotted bruise on my hip & butt) that many public places are not inclusive when it comes to fat people. Some people don’t like that word as a descriptor but I’m a lot less sensitive about it than I would’ve been two years ago at the beginning of my weight loss journey. Insert whatever word makes you more comfortable; I call a spade a spade.
I went to a sporting event this evening with a group and the seating was less than desirable for my height of 6ft and for sure not comfortable for my girth. I felt a bit like I imagine it would look to put a 10yr old in an umbrella stroller. You just pictured it and laughed…good. In years past, this situation would have sent me spiraling into despair. I would have asked for the car keys and professed to be A-OK. I would have sat in the car balling and then went home and stuffed my feelings down my throat in the form of excessive amounts of fatty food and beverages. Because let’s be honest, emotional eaters aren’t shoveling in salad 🙃. In all honesty, a couple of years ago, I would’ve avoided a group outing like the plague. But I digress.
Today, and many days before today now that I think about it, was different. Today, I created a different outcome. I was with people who value my emotional safety (that’s important) which helped me to maintain. Granted, I did not get to enjoy the game sitting with my group but I managed to find a comfortable space for myself and folks came and checked on me. This past couple of years has been such a journey of self-discovery and a few things I’ve gotten really good at are allowing myself to process through my feelings, transparency in expressing those feelings when needed and making sure I am comfortable in a space.
I find it interesting that here I am almost 2yrs post-op and down 110lbs and still having a hard time in a lot of spaces because of my size. I’m not saying that sports/concert venues, restaurants and modes of mass transport need to cater to me as a heavy person by posting this. I’m just pointing out what most people take for granted because it’s not something they ever have to think twice about. Do me a favor and take just a second to think about your friend or family member who may be a person of greater size the next time you breeze through a turnstile, slide easily into a booth at a restaurant, sit unobstructed down into a chair with arms, sit in a folding chair. No, you’re not responsible for decisions anyone has made or actions they have taken to make them heavy. But maybe taking just a moment to think of these people in these situations and the countless other situations that come up to remind them that life isn’t kind to fat people, you might choose to show a little extra grace and a little more kindness; both really contagious and worth catching.
So, I have to tell you that making the commitment to step on the scale 1x weekly on the same day and about the same time of day each week; no problem. Not being tempted to step on the scale every time I go to the bathroom? That’s a different story. I was strong though and waited until this morning.
Drum roll please…454.8lbs.
For those keeping track, I am down -9.6lbs since surgery day (7/29). Woohoo!!!
I had my 1-week follow-up with Dr. Fox (the surgeon) yesterday and I am doing really well. My wounds are healing beautifully. I am taking my meds as I should and am doing well with getting my nutrition. I did express to him my concern about not having enough intake. I explained that I am so concerned about nausea and vomiting from being over full that I am afraid to ‘eat’. He let me know that my concerns were valid and gave me some tips and tools for getting the protein shakes down. I am feeling good!! Next week, I should be able to start a light workout routine. I’ll probably start with walking.
I bought myself a book to get me through the day-to-day because I know this won’t always be easy. It is a book that starts on Jan 1st and ends Dec 31st. I decided that instead of starting on the first day of the year, I started yesterday; the day I received the book. There are daily action and journaling points. I want to immerse myself in this whole weight loss surgery (WLS) process. I know that I have healing to do; physically, emotionally and spiritually, as I change my relationship with food and myself as my body changes so I a taking advantage of any tools I come across.
See you for next week’s weigh-in!
July 20, 2016…Pre-Surgery Education
Myself and another young lady scheduled to have surgery on the same day as I, spent the day with the surgery assistant and the surgeon going over every aspect of the surgery. We talked about meds, supplements, exercise, risks…EVERYTHING!! My surgeon, Dr. Earl Fox, M.D., is amazing.
July 21, 2016
I started my liquid diet in prep for my surgerday two
My body felt like it was shutting down. The purging of sugar and caffeine was physically painful for the first few days. I had to call out of work on day two because I couldn’t be away from the bathroom. I know that’s TMI but just keeping it real. After that, I felt amazing and I lost about 25lbs during my liquid diet. This is the diet I will follow for the first month after surgery.
July 29th, 2016…SURGERY DAY!!!
Tomi got home from work at 5am and got me up and moving. I got my CPAP machine together (I had to take it with me) and then I weighed myself…464.4lbs. I dressed and then we were out the door. Once we got to the hospital, things went pretty quickly. Checked in, gowned up, met with anesthesia, met with surgeon and then on our way to the operating room. Next thing I know, I was waking up drinking water and trying to shake off the anesthesia.
I think the hardest part has been all the new meds on top of my others. Having to give myself injections (blood thinner) in my tummy everyday is a bit intimidating. I only have to do it for 10 days though. I’ve noted that I’m mostly sore but there has been some pain. I’ve slept a lot but otherwise, nothing too exciting.
I’ll see you all for next week’s weigh in.