Tag Archives: depression

Embracing A Time Of Change…

As the new year approaches, I find that I am falling apart. At least that’s how I’m feeling. I’m fatter than I’ve ever been, my sciatica is debilitating but I’m too heavy to have an MRI to further assess the issue. Right now, all I can do is take narcotics to ‘help’ with the pain that never really goes away. I can’t sit up for any length of time without pain and laying down doesn’t help much either.
I got a letter the other day that my wages will be garnished starting with my first paycheck in 2014 for my student loans. My credit is crappy and my life feels like its spiraling out of control.
I am feeling sad and depressed and I am in tears daily. I am just really disappointed at the state of my life right now and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.

I have to believe that God has a plan; that He is trying to show me how strong I am. He is preparing me for newness and change. I am choosing to walk in the faith and trust in the promise that God will never put more on me than I can bear. I have to trust that if He brought me to it, He’ll bring me through it.

I am going to pray. I am going to write (it helps bring clarity). I am going to affirm myself and speak and think positive things into my life. I am going to work to prepare myself to receive the greatness that God is going to shower into my life. I believe it and I am open to receive it. I am feeling discouraged but I cannot give up. I am choosing to acknowledge the bad things but not wallow in them. As long as there is breath in my lungs, I have to believe there is a purpose I haven’t fulfilled.

I am a work in progress and I am ok with that.

We Fall Down, But We Get Up…

It has been a little while since I posted. I have to admit that I just haven’t felt like it. I have been having quite a time lately. I recently lost my job which hit me pretty hard. I can’t say that my job defined me but I really loved what I did and I loved the people that I worked with so to not have that anynore is a difficult thing.

Also, I fell off on my eating plan. I have been a bit lax with everything as I sort out my new role in life and for me, the way I eat is definitely affected by the way that I feel. It’s sad but true. I sm proudf to say that I am getting back on track with it though. I have my weigh-in on Wednesday to dee where I a currently; i haven’t weighed in three weeks.I find that knowing where I am helps me to know where I need to go.

My goal is to get myself back into a routine; getting up, showered and dressed even if I don’t have anywhere to be, and keeping myself busy. I am catching up on some reading, working on some projects around the house and my DVR has never been so clear. Most importantly, I am working to maintain my positivity through it all.

Tomi has been extremely supportive through all of this madness. It helps to know that she is always in my corner. Now, all I can do is pray and trust that God will make sure that things turn out the way that they are supposed to.