It’s the last day of the month. It has been a difficult 31 days but I am thankful to have made it through.
1.) Being unemployed – Was it planned? No. I just thank God that my spouse is able to support us. It has taken a bit of adjustment because I do like to shop but I am blessed. We are blessed.
2.) My Nook and my library card – I have been reading a lot more since I have not been working. I appreciate being able to check out books electronically as well as feeling the weight of a traditional book.
3.) Friends – New ones, those that have been staying in touch though we no longer work together, those that I’ve had for years and those that I consider family. I appreciate them all.
4.) Ideal Protein – Tomi and I are both doing well on the program. Dropping pounds like crazy!
5.) Wifi – It is so nice to have internet service at home. I really appreciate being able to stay in my underwear and search the interwebs if I choose instead of having to search it out in coffee shops and restaurants.
As the new year approaches, I find that I am falling apart. At least that’s how I’m feeling. I’m fatter than I’ve ever been, my sciatica is debilitating but I’m too heavy to have an MRI to further assess the issue. Right now, all I can do is take narcotics to ‘help’ with the pain that never really goes away. I can’t sit up for any length of time without pain and laying down doesn’t help much either.
I got a letter the other day that my wages will be garnished starting with my first paycheck in 2014 for my student loans. My credit is crappy and my life feels like its spiraling out of control.
I am feeling sad and depressed and I am in tears daily. I am just really disappointed at the state of my life right now and I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I have to believe that God has a plan; that He is trying to show me how strong I am. He is preparing me for newness and change. I am choosing to walk in the faith and trust in the promise that God will never put more on me than I can bear. I have to trust that if He brought me to it, He’ll bring me through it.
I am going to pray. I am going to write (it helps bring clarity). I am going to affirm myself and speak and think positive things into my life. I am going to work to prepare myself to receive the greatness that God is going to shower into my life. I believe it and I am open to receive it. I am feeling discouraged but I cannot give up. I am choosing to acknowledge the bad things but not wallow in them. As long as there is breath in my lungs, I have to believe there is a purpose I haven’t fulfilled.
I am a work in progress and I am ok with that.