Soooooooooooooooo…it’s been a while. Quite frankly, I’ve been too embarrassed to post. I was down 70lbs at on point. I have half-assed my way back to gaining 50 of those pounds and I’m embarrassed about that.
Being fat is delicious and easy…until it gets hard.
It’s all good until you come up against…a chair with arms.
That pizza is delicious…until none of your close fit.
The buffet is fantastic…until you notice people watching you make your plate. Are they judging me?
My joints ache. My feet, ankles and knees have started to swell again. I’m retaining water and I waddle when I walk.
We had a long talk with my coach this week because I am feeling very discouraged.
I’m back on track; I think. Some people do well with meal prep and planning ahead. I do better with focusing on one day at a time so that’s what I’m doing. It’s treat season so its going to be hard. Every time I’m tempted, I look at my goals and ask myself “How bad do you want it?”. So far, so good.
I made a few mental changes which helped me to make the physical changes I needed to in order to lose 8.2lbs last week. Yes! This week has been a bit more of a struggle because my cycle is coming but I’m still feeling pretty good about next week’s weigh-in.
It’s been a while since I posted or even felt like it. Life was happening around me but at some point, I stopped participating. I don’t mean to sound dramatic like I was going to end it all or anything like that. Never that. I just stopped. I got up every day but hardly ever got dressed. I just hung around in my lounging gear (yoga pants and a T-shirt) and napped the day away. And forget personal grooming like eyebrows and shaving and makeup. Too much work. I left the house but only so my wife didn’t worry. I can’t say I was feeling bad; or feeling anything for that matter.I woke up one day and realized that I hadn’t been taking my meds or anything. I just…fell off. I gained back 20lbs of the weight I lost because I had pretty much given up on my Ideal Protein program as well. Even though I was weighing in and buying food every week. I woke up and ‘snapped’ out of the stupor I had been walking around in, dusted myself off and started the journey back to me.
First thing I did was go get my hair done. Then, I got my eyebrows waxed and got a mani/pedi. I started working again, at a job I really like, so I’m getting up every day and even ‘putting on a face’. Sometimes I don’t just because I want to sleep longer but I do more often then not.
Next, I made appointments with my medical and mental health providers to discuss and refill my meds. Idownloaded a phone app so I could enter my meds and track when I’m supposed to take my meds.
Then, I talked with my Ideal Protein coach, set a few short term goals and came up with a plan to get back on track with my weight loss plan. I am already feeling better and I am ready for the world. I’m not deluded that this is going to be easy but I’m open to the journey so here I go.
I half-assed it all week. For the last few weeks to be honest. Surprisingly, I lost 4.6lbs from when I weighed in 2wks ago. For me, it was motivation. I’m super competitive, especially with myself, so I took it as a challenge to see how well I do if I give 100% to the program.
I’m getting to where I need to be mentally. Its slow but sure.
If you follow the program 100% then you will get 100% results. If you follow the program 90% then you will get 0% results.
That, in a nutshell, is the reality of Ideal Protein. In being honest, I have been living under the 90% shadow for a few months now. I haven’t gone off off the program but I hadn’t been eating my veggies the way I should or drinking my water or even eating all of the protein that I should. I understand that this is the reason I have had lackluster results if any results at all.
This weeks weigh-in should go much better because Tomi and I both committed to 100% this week; taking supplements, proper protein and veggie consumption and soooooo much water.
It’s Tuesday…weigh-in day. I skipped last week because I had stuff to do pertaining to our taxes. Plus, I knew it would be a bad week after playing Granny 🙂
I was up 3lbs. I wasn’t too upset though. I had a good week but I know I need to increase my water and I am days away from the beginning of my cycle so I’m bloated. I lost inches in my chest and waist but gained in my legs so they canceled each other out.
We talked with Eva today about feeling tired of the program; I’ve been on it off and on for over a year. I am ready to be done! I know what it takes to get to that point but I’ve been bullshitting as of late. No more! I’ve set a goal date of my birthday (June 27th) as my 100lb mark. I’m more than halfway there.
My motivation for the week to come is this quote from Maya Angelou.
Its a reminder to me that this journey I’m on is going to be hard work but it is worth it. I am worth it!
The quote of the week at the clinic spoke to me as well.
It will remind me to keep going and take one day at a time.
This was not my best week but not my worst either. No matter what, I’ve got to keep going.
-4.1lbs to be exact! I’m back on track and back to losing weight. I had to regroup and get my mind right. I was feeling bored and deprived and I just needed a break.
Each week when I would go for my weigh-in and show a gain, I felt embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I knew, however, that if I stopped going altogether, even for just a couple of weeks, I would never go back.
I am definitely not anywhere close to my goal but I am on my way. I’m not happy with my outer appearance but on the inside, I feel better than I have in years. Some days are harder than others but I just surround myself with affirmations and positivity and smile on the outside even if I don’t necessarily feel it at the time.
One of our granddaughters is staying with us this week and on Easter, she wanted to take a picture of her grannies. She’s always telling me that she loves my outfits and shoes, my hair and accessories. Hanging with her is good for my self esteem.
I’m very insecure about my physical appearance so I usually don’t do full body photos but I felt good sharing this one. I was surrounded by my loved ones. My wife has been my biggest cheerleader through this process and most importantly, she loves me without condition; even when I feel I am unable to love myself.
“Effort only fully releases its reward after a person refuses to quit.” Napoleon Hill
I took this selfie the other day while st my Ideal Protein weigh-in/ coaching appointment.
Its been a tough couple of weeks and my coach, Eva, and I have been working on getting me over this plateau I’ve hit. Honestly, I got a little bored. I was tired of eating the same shit! Eva explained that even though I was having gains of a few pounds (from cheating), it is important to keep sticking to the plan and keep coming to my weekly appointments. We remixed my menu a bit and got Tomi back on board and I think I am headed in the right direction again. Most importantly, no matter how tempted I was, I didn’t quit.
Here lately, it seems that I am always a day behind (at least). I blame the fact that I no longer have the structure of a job to keep me in check. There is nothing to keep me on schedule. I have been late mailing birthday cards and other sentiments and I pretty much have no social life anymore.
Anyway, I’m a day late but here is my list for February…
1.) Birthdays! My sister (Feb 21st) and my dad (Feb 27th) both celebrated birthdays. Also, our oldest daughter, Veronica and my oldest nephew. Plus countless other cousins and friends celebrated birthdays in February.
2.) This hottie! My wife is everything to me.
3.) No explanation needed…
4.) Discovering Global Couture because Lord knows I love me some cute accessories. I also love supporting a small, black-owned business.
5.) My hairdresser!
Mimi is the business and she always makes sure my hair is healthy and cute. I like to change it up!
6.) My daughter and my mommy! Because they live 4hrs away, I don’t get to see them as often as I would like so every opportunity is a blessing.
7.) My smile! There was definitely a few rough patches but I made it through and I’m still able to smile.
8.) Valentine’s Day! This was the first time in 11+ years that we actually went out for this particular day. We just don’t get into it. My wife planned the whole thing which is saying a lot because she is not really a romance kinda chick. She bought me fancy under things, took me to an amazing dinner and then we went dancing. I had a blast!
9.) New life! I got a new, baby cousin on the 22nd. Her name is Meleeha Janae and she is beautiful. Congrats to CJ & Jazmine, the new parents! Also, congrats to my cousin Steph (Jazz’s mom), the new grandma!
10.) Weight loss! I am -60lbs than I was at this time last year and that feels AMAZING!
Last week, I was down another 2lbs but this week, I was up 6lbs. I’m not sad about it. I have been having a hard time eating since I got out of the hospital. Anytime I eat anything, I get very nauseous which makes me not want to eat. I don’t seem to have an issue with fluids because I can’t get enough water but my body just seems to hate food right now. This should be a better week because I saw my doctor yesterday and she gave me something to address the nausea.
This past weekend was the 67th Annual Tacoma Golden Gloves. I have been singing the National Anthem at the matches for 10+ years now. One of the photographers took a picture that finally helped me wrap my head around how much weight I have lost. I know that my clothes are fitting differently and better but I don’t feel any different other than being less ‘solid’.
This picture brought everything into perspective and I cried when I saw it…
I feel so proud of myself. God knows this journey has not been easy; full of many ups and downs but I am staying in the race.
It’s crazy to see the differences in my body and a bit overwhelming. There are times when I feel scared and I allow that fear to steer me toward unhealthy choices (I am an emotional eater; any emotion) but I am determined to conquer and live above my fear. I know that ultimately, I will be better for it.