It is true that motivation can come from the most unexpected places.
I had an appointment the other day at the Pacific Cataract & Laser Institute. I have an eye disease called Keratoconus that basically causes the eye to take on the shape of a cone. It was first diagnosed 4yrs ago and and has progressed to the point where I need to have a corneal transplant in one eye and a corneal collagen cross-linking in order to keep the disease from progressing further in the other eye. All that information was a bit overwhelming and a lot to process.The thing that hurt the most was hearing “You’re too fat for us to make you OK”. At least that is the way that my brain received it. What he actually said was “We are not able to do the procedure here because of your weight. The weight limit for our equipment is 350lbs. If you are able to lose 75lbs, we can get it done for you no problem”. I pretty much stopped being able to process anything beyond that part of the conversation so it’s a good thing that my wife was there with me because otherwise, I would have missed a bunch of info. I skipped weighing in this week because I wasn’t following my plan the way that I should. Hearing the doctor talk about my weight as a hindrance to improving my eye situation was all the motivation I needed to get back on track. What a wake up call. I am use to hearing the surprise when doctors see that I don’t have issues with blood pressure, diabetes or cholesterol due to my weight. It sucks that they expect you to have those problems but it is what it is. But I have heard too many times in the past 6mos that I am too heavy or too big for a medical procedure. I would like to say to the universe…I GET IT!
I am back on my program and following it to the letter.
This was a very busy week! Usually, I eat the worst when I’m busy. Who has time to think about eating properly when there are so many other things on the proverbial plate? Well, it has gotten to the point where I don’t really have to think about it anymore. Tomi and I have been trying to make sure that we have healthy snacks around the house as well as healthy options for lunches and dinners. That way, no matter what we reach for when a jones hits, we’ll be making a good choice as long as we keep portion control in mind.
This weekend was the Employee Recognition Banquet for Kadlec and I was all prepared to eat horribly. Well, my plan was foiled by…bacon. I had a huge pile of mashed potatoes along with pasta. Well, the potatoes had bacon in them so as a non-meat eater, I couldn’t partake. This is a good thing because I would’ve felt so guilty afterward. The largest portion of food on my dinner plate was salad and fruit. I did eat 3 pieces of cheesecake and almost an entire bottle of wine so I got an extra workout in to ‘pay’ for that.
This week, Tomi & I have decided to work on meal planning. We will sit down on Saturday and plan out lunches & dinners for the week and then shop accordingly. We have incorporated workout planning. We are going to put our workouts on our family calendar just like all our other appointments and come up with a consequence for when there is a cancel or reschedule. I am hoping this will help me be more consistent with working out because I HATE IT!
The last change I’ve vowed to work toward is getting more sleep each night so goodnight! 4am is going to arrive quickly.
After my first week back on Weight Watchers, I fell off. I got a bit freaked out by my level of success if you can believe that. I didn’t start eating all crazy or anything, I just fell off on my tracking and working out. I gained a pound the next week. Then, I got sick which caused me to stop working out at all. Then, I fell off on good habits like eating breakfast everyday and planning healthy snacks and lunches. I gained 4lbs that week.
I joined the Stuffing Smackdown Challenge at work. It’s a.challenge that is supposed to discourage overeating during the holiday season. You weigh in each week and are entered into a drawing each week that you maintain or lose weight. After the first week, I was down 2lbs. This caused me to get a bit over-confident…the next week, I gained 5lbs. I freaked out a bit. I came home, ate my feelings and then got over it. This was my first week back to following my Weight Watchers plan properly. I am down 7.8lbs this week!
I’m going to keep on keeping on. I am just 10lbs away from my first weigh loss goal which is 5% of my starting weight. My reward for my first goal will be a 60-minute deep tissue massage. Plus, for every pound I lose, a dollar goes into my ‘New Wardrobe Fund’ for replacing clothing items as I lose weight.
It wasn’t until we went on our honeymoon that I was truly faced with how fat I’ve gotten. Everyone wants to throw ‘curvy’ around, which I am, but I am fat. Period. There was not one aspect of the travel experience that wasn’t miserable for me. I think squeezing my bulk into the plane seats was the worst by far. I had bruises in my hip from the 12 total hours that the seat parts pressed into my flesh. Then, there was the walking, huffing and sweating my way through the airports. I don’t want this to be my life anymore.
The first thing I did when we got home is make a doctor appointment. I found out that my thyroid numbers are out of control, which is affecting my success when it comes to my weight loss attempts. Then, I joined Weight Watchers. I need help! I need a lifestyle change. I went to my first meeting this past Saturday and I cried when I read the number of my first weigh-in. Then, I said a small prayer and resolved to see that number go down and my health improve. I am tired…of being fat, unhealthy, self-conscious. I am tired of feeling like a failure every time I try and fail to lose weight. But I know that when I fall, as long as I get up and start again, I am NOT a failure. I truly feel like I am fighting for my life.
Tomi said that she is going to nag me about logging my points and getting my workout in. She said she will do whatever she has to in order to help me succeed.
I am ready to be completely transparent; no filter. This is me. I am 37 years old. I am 6’0″ tall. At my first Weight Watchers meeting on Saturday, September 26th, 2013 , I weighed in at 455.2lbs. I am embarrassed to put myself out here like this. I am feeling very vulnerable and raw but most importantly, I feel ready.
I did it! I picked a dress! It’s absolutely gorgeous and totally me; a little bit of class & elegance and a whole lotta sexy. (wink). I tried on a total of four dresses in my search for the perfect one. I am glad that it didn’t turn into a long, drawn out ordeal because getting in out of those things is a lot of work. By the end of things, both the attendant and I were sweating and breathing hard. The only thing that would have made the experience better would have been to have my mother there with us. Having her there to see me walk down the aisle will have to suffice. The best part of the experience was that in getting measured for the dress, I realized that I am down 2 dress sizes…on top. The tush is still not budging but I am cool with my weight loss progress.
We had engagement photos taken and they turned out great so I will be completing my save-the-dates and sending them out in the next week or so. I am still trying to figure out invitation wording and figuring out when I am gonna get those mailed out.
I have to admit that I am starting to feel a little bit of pressure now. We still haven’t chosen a dress for my Maid Of Honor and we still have to figure out what Tomi and the rest of the bridal party are going to wear. I still have to meet with the officiant to discuss the details of the ceremony, I have to meet with the DJ to discuss the playlist and I have to get with the venue to discuss the seating layout for the reception. I wish that I could clone myself for the next few months. I know that I will get everything done, I work well under pressure, but I am more than a little stressed.
Last night I went to Zumba! It was hard and tiring and painful and amazing! I will be going back next week. I have never sweated so much in my life!
I am feeling really proud of myself because there were a few obstacles that tried to keep me from going. The first of which is that I was tired and sore from my workout on the previous day. The more pressing one was that I had absolutely no gas in my car. I was very tempted to just skip it but instead I changed into my work clothes, scrounged up $5 in change from around the house and barely made it to the gas station down the street to put gas in the car.
I was/am a woman determined to not only be super fine for my wedding and honeymoon, but also to live a better life for the rest of my life. The best part is that Tomi, my honey, is coming on the journey with me.
I am definitely falling in love with my new, healthy life.
I walked A mile the other day at the gym. This may not seem like a big deal to most but for me, its monumental.
I set out to do 30 minutes of walking on the treadmill at least 3x a week. I have been sticking to that and always end up being just under a mile. Well, I decided to ignore the time and make it to a whole mile. My legs felt like limp noodles and I wasn’t sure I would make it to the car afterward but I made it and it felt AMAZING!
It is hard getting back to an active lifestyle after leading a very sedentary life for so long. Finding the motivation to get to the gym is really hard some days but I am sticking with it. I am determined to make positive changes in my life. I no longer want to be held back by the physical and mental limitations I have allowed because of my size and weight.
Working through the hard days makes the reward so much sweeter.