Category Archives: Musings

All Up In My Face

The title was not my attempt at being clever. This post is going to be about my face.

The Face
If I’m being honest, most days, I don’t think a whole lot about my face. I get up, wash, tone, moisturize (with SPF) and then repeat the process before bed. That’s more out of routine than anything else. Lately though, I think about my face a lot. I pay it a lot of attention and it makes me feel sad. I’m sad about the signs of aging that I’m starting to see waaaaaayyyyyy more of. The breakouts I’m having since the year I turned 40 would bring a teenager to tears. And where the hell are all these moles and freckles coming from? Plucking, twerking and waxing could be a full time job at this point. With all the time I spend on maintenance, just trying to maintain my baseline, I wonder how I ever found time to get up and put on a full face everyday. I guess I’m really starting to really appreciate the ugly side of keeping it pretty šŸ¤“.

Weighing In: One Year Post Surgery

I know! I know! I’ve been missing in action lately (about 2 months) but I’ve got a good excuse; I’ve been busy living life. Work has been CRAZY busy, my wife and I both had birthdays and I put together a stellar birthday weekend with lots of travelling, we bought a house (we signed papers last Thursday and get the keys Monday after work) and I’m helping one of our daughters with wedding planning.

WNBA game, Mariner's game, Seattle Pride, and I wore a formal gown to work. My friends/co-workers glammed up my desk!!
Birthday weekend shenanigans!!
 I am one busy lady!!! I wanted to make sure to write on the anniversary of my surgery though.

Left: July 2016 Right: July 2017

I had my Lap Band surgery on July 29th, 2016. I was almost 500lbs. I had severe chronic back pain and sciatica, lymphedema of the legs, difficulty with movement and breathing and was always just generally uncomfortable. I didn’t get that way overnight. I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with food. I was as n emotional eater and developed an addiction; food was my drug of choice.

Fast forward 365 days…I am down -90lbs and holding. I have been at this current weight for about a month which is A-OK with me. The weight loss with the band has been slow and steady; about 2-3lbs loss per week on average. I’ve learned to have a different relationship with food for sure. Mental health counseling and medication helps me with finding healthier ways to process emotions, anxiety and depression. I’m able to eat about a shot glass amount of food at a sitting so what I choose to eat is super important; nothing too starchy or too fibrous. I also have to be cognizant of how quickly I eat; I have to make sure everything is chewed REALLY well. Because my stomach has limited space, gas or sort back up from eating too quickly can’t be expelled by a burp; I am literally unable.

This journey has been frustrating, scary and quite indelicate at times; for me and for my wife. She deserves an award. I had to learn to eat for sustenance and not allow my ‘eyes to be bigger than my stomach’; literally and figuratively. I had to learn that there are going to be things that I will never eat again and embrace that. Pancakes, waffles, bread…just a few of the things I used to love that I simply can’t have since the surgery. I also have to avoid other favorites like bananas and pineapples, asparagus and broccoli; anything too high in sugar or too stringy/fibrous. Totally worth it though. If i have the unfortunate incidence of food getting stuck on the way down or getting an air bubble trapped while eating, I get one of two results. If I’m lucky, I can stand and walk or put my arms over my head or drink a little bit of a warm beverage and coax it on through. What often happens (here’s the indelicate part) is that it gets stuck and my body forces it back out the way it came. Sounds simple right? Well, because the size of my working tummy is greatly reduced, it’s probably one of the most uncomfortable and excruciating things I’ve experienced.

Looking back would I make the decision to have the procedure again? Absolutely!! I have been able to completely discontinue 4 medications. I no longer have pain and swelling in my muscles and joints. I find that I am a lot more adventurous because I can walk and move for longer periods of time without having to rest. We’ve been on hikes and to festivals and sporting events; I’m experiencing a lot more of my life as opposed to being an observer. I’m able to buy clothes of the rack which I’ve been too big to do for years. It feels AMAZING to be able to walk into the store and try things on. Most importantly, I’m starting to have more days where I feel good in my skin. Not every day but most days and that is a good feeling.

This has been one of the most amazing years of my life!!!

Weighing In…

I am down -.2lbs this week!! Yes, you read that right. I am going to celebrate it because it is my ‘cycle’ week and I am a bloated, emotional mess and I need a reason to celebrate. In all seriousness, I usually gain 3-5lbs during my lady time to fact that I had any loss at all makes me want to shout from the mountain tops.

For those of you keeping track, it is day 5 of my beverage cleanse. I have not had any caffeine withdrawal headaches like I thought I would so that’s a plus. One thing that this is helping me realizeĀ is that I really like coffee…and wine. Also, I miss how comforting it is to have a warm tasty beverage when you’re not feeling well or when you want to relax at the end of a long day. 5 more days to go and then I will give the run-down of my whole experience.

Later days!!!

The 52 Lists Project: List 8

LIST YOUR FAVORITE QUOTES.

“If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” – Audre Lorde

“Sometimes I feel discriminated against, but it does not make me angry. It merely astonishes me. How can any deny themselves the pleasure of my company? It’s beyond me.” – Zora Neale Hurston

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.” – Maya Angelou

“A crown, if it hurts us, is not worth wearing.” – Pearl Bailey

“I will not have my life narrowed down. I will not bow down to somebody else’s whim or to someone else’s ignorance.” = bell hooks

“Don’t wait around for other people to be happy for you. Any happiness you get you’ve got to make yourself.” – Alice Walker

“No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.” – Alice Walker

“Deal with yourself as an individual worthy of respect, and make everyone else deal with you the same way.” – Nikki Giovanni

“Give light and people will find the way.” – Ella Baker

TAKE ACTION: What do your favorite quotes have in common? Choose one qualitu or theme to incorporate into your daily life this week.

Happy New Year: 2016

I decided to take a cue from my girl Kristi over at Sew Right Journals and make a specific, workable list of things I plan to accomplish in 2015. I figure if I am specific and I share, the more accountability I’ll have.
I found a book to help me with my goal of daily journaling and weekly blogging I’m already a week behind…LOL!). It’s called The 52 Lists Project: A Year of Weekly Journaling Inspiration by Moorea Seal.

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My plan is that each week, I will share the list prompt with you and some of my list. At the bottom of each list is a call to ‘Take Action’ and I will share that too. Alright? Ready? Here we go…

The 52 Lists Project: List 1

List your goals and dreams for this year…
1.) Less social media
– no social media during my work hours (8a-5p) Mon – Fri
– no social media at all on Sunday
2.) Create a schedule (consistency)
– consistent wake/bed time
– pack my lunch for work and lay out my clothes the night before
3.) Read at least one book per month
4.) Go to church at least 2x/mo
– bible study counts
– live stream counts
5.) Travel!
– Get at least one passport stamp
6.) Journal daily & blog weekly
7.) 30 min of aerobic exercise 3x/weekly.
8.) Create a website for my business and try to book at least 6 weddings this year.
9.) Plan a girls night every other month to stay connected with my friends.
10.) Plan a night out alone once a month.
Take Action: what is the first step toward achieving your biggest goal? Pick one thing you can do this week to get started!

I’ll be back next week!

I Fell Off…Of Life

It’s been a while since I posted or even felt like it. Life was happening around me but at some point, I stopped participating. I don’t mean to sound dramatic like I was going to end it all or anything like that. Never that. I just stopped. I got up every day but hardly ever got dressed. I just hung around in my lounging gear (yoga pants and a T-shirt) and napped the day away. And forget personal grooming like eyebrows and shaving and makeup. Too much work. I left the house but only so my wife didn’t worry. I can’t say I was feeling bad; or feeling anything for that matter.I woke up one day and realized that I hadn’t been taking my meds or anything. I just…fell off. I gained back 20lbs of the weight I lost because I had pretty much given up on my Ideal Protein program as well. Even though I was weighing in and buying food every week. I woke up and ‘snapped’ out of the stupor I had been walking around in, dusted myself off and started the journey back to me.

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First thing I did was go get my hair done. Then, I got my eyebrows waxed and got a mani/pedi. I started working again, at a job I really like, so I’m getting up every day and even ‘putting on a face’. Sometimes I don’t just because I want to sleep longer but I do more often then not.
Next, I made appointments with my medical and mental health providers to discuss and refill my meds. Idownloaded a phone app so I could enter my meds and track when I’m supposed to take my meds.
Then, I talked with my Ideal Protein coach, set a few short term goals and came up with a plan to get back on track with my weight loss plan. I am already feeling better and I am ready for the world. I’m not deluded that this is going to be easy but I’m open to the journey so here I go.

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