For those not in the know, June is my birthday month. I’ve always loved celebrating my birthday, being with those that I love and who love me back and most importantly, reflecting on the year I had and focusing on the year to come.
Well, this year feels different. I have been/ am working on me; spiritually, mentally, physically & emotionally. I have been on a long journey with regards to my physical health. I have been more focused and putting in the work with diet and exercise and I am feeling myself a little bit 😉. I have worked on loving myself through every phase of my journey which is not always easy but, I’ve found, very necessary in my process and progress. I am feeling more confident, but not the fake confidence of my past. You know, the feigned exuberance often used as a defense mechanism to keep people from trying to dig too deep? Just me? Well, I feel good now, better than I’ve felt in years and my shine…it’s like I can’t turn it down. I gotta shine no matter what!!
I’m not where I want to be but I’m definitely on my way. Do I hate working out? Absolutely!! But I love the way I feel afterward. Some days, it’s hard to love what I see in the mirror as my body changes. But, even on the difficult days, I look at myself everyday in a full-length mirror and I tell the woman that I see there that I love her and that though the journey is hard, she is worthy and worth it. I took a picture of myself on our recent trip to Vegas and I struggled with whether to share it. When I first took it, I loved it but then slowly started to pick myself apart. Well, FUNK THAT!! I can look at myself and see my blemishes as battle scars; that means I have survived many battles and I have so many things to be thankful for. I can look at my body, see the imperfections and find beauty in the fact that God allowed me to carry a life in my womb. I’m thankful for that. I am strong and all my parts are in good, working order. I am thankful for that. I have soundness of mind (most days). I am thankful for that. My spiritual foundation is strong and continually nurtured and growing. I am thankful for that. Most importantly, I feel all the feels about all the things. I no longer try to numb my feelings with food, drink and other forms of camouflage. I am thankful for that.
So, as my birthday approaches, I revel in all that I have learned and continue to discover about myself. Here I stand in all of my glory ready to shine, no matter what.
I was in high school and had gone to a slumber hangout and took JaLisa with me. She always wanted to go with me EVERYWHERE and was never shy; cautious of new people but never shy.
As a child JaLisa was loud, ridiculous, funny, compassionate, loud, talkative, smart, friendly, generous, kind-hearted, spoiled, loud, imaginative, thoughtful, resilient, courageous, loud…
Here we are all these years later and she is still all of those things. She’s lived through a lot; more than most women her age and she’s still standing.
From birth I watched her scoot, crawl, walk and run. There was stumbling and falling but she got up and kept going.
From adolescence to adulthood, I watched her go through the same process from scoot to crawl to walk to run. Sometimes, things got out of order but Tomi & I, her grandparents and the rest of her ‘village’ were there to help guide, dress wounds from the falls, counsel and keep her moving ever forward.
And today, she enters her 27th year. She’s out there moving through life…from a scoot to a crawl to a walk and then a run. She stumbles and falls and we’re still here to guide her; kiss the boo-boos and hug the hurt and tears away. She needs to lean on us less, as is God’s design. More independence; less hand-holding. It’s like I blinked and my Baby Bean became a woman and I wasn’t ready.
2017 was quite a year for my family and I; full of plenty of highs, lows and lots of in between.
New Year 2017
New Year 2018
We (Tomi & I) are -150 lighter between the 2 of us as we start this year. We became homeowners this year. We have lost a few family members & friends (may they RIP) and gained a few new ones. We have both been working toward maintaining/ reestablishing familial relationships that have faltered along the way (such a long story-perhaps in a later post). The end of 2017 was particularly busy for us with traveling. We saw a lot of AMAZING concerts last year; the highlight of which was seeing Earth, Wind & Fire.
2018 won’t be quite as busy as last year for us when it comes to traveling but we have a few trips planned. Our oldest grandbaby (the only boy) graduates from high school this year. One of our daughters is getting married this year. Lord willing, we’ll celebrate another birthday and anniversary this year.
For me, 2018 will be a year of being intentional and consistent. I am really good and being consistently inconsistent. I’ve perfected over the last 20yrs or so. This year, I plan to step my game up and be more intentional about life as opposed to just letting life happen. I know that comes with being consistent. Some would say that it’s about time but I say that every day is a good day for a new beginning. Can I get an AMEN?!? I have been making lists, making plans and setting short/long-term goals. I’m trying to do an overhaul by making small changes (I don’t want to bite off more than I can chew) in several areas of my life where I want to be more consistent; working my business, blogging, skincare, continued weight loss, cleaning house, clearing debt.
This will be a year of fostering, maintaining or releasing relationships. I’m reaching out to those that have previously fallen by the wayside, I am putting in the work to maintain those and that are hanging out there by a thread and I am releasing, with love, those relationships that no longer serve me. I’ve learned that it’s OK to let go of those that don’t want to be a part of my life (and not take it personally) and also to allow myself to be let go of by others. I am going to be more intentional about fostering my relationship with God; spending time in fellowship with Him and in His word.
I’ve also been trying to adopt the action of doing little things with big love. Doing things for others and even for yourself does not always have to involve a grand gesture.
I’m stomping into 2018 with a new look, a new attitude and a new vision. I’m excited to see what this year brings.
I know! I know! I’ve been missing in action lately (about 2 months) but I’ve got a good excuse; I’ve been busy living life. Work has been CRAZY busy, my wife and I both had birthdays and I put together a stellar birthday weekend with lots of travelling, we bought a house (we signed papers last Thursday and get the keys Monday after work) and I’m helping one of our daughters with wedding planning.
I am one busy lady!!! I wanted to make sure to write on the anniversary of my surgery though.
I had my Lap Band surgery on July 29th, 2016. I was almost 500lbs. I had severe chronic back pain and sciatica, lymphedema of the legs, difficulty with movement and breathing and was always just generally uncomfortable. I didn’t get that way overnight. I definitely had an unhealthy relationship with food. I was as n emotional eater and developed an addiction; food was my drug of choice.
Fast forward 365 days…I am down -90lbs and holding. I have been at this current weight for about a month which is A-OK with me. The weight loss with the band has been slow and steady; about 2-3lbs loss per week on average. I’ve learned to have a different relationship with food for sure. Mental health counseling and medication helps me with finding healthier ways to process emotions, anxiety and depression. I’m able to eat about a shot glass amount of food at a sitting so what I choose to eat is super important; nothing too starchy or too fibrous. I also have to be cognizant of how quickly I eat; I have to make sure everything is chewed REALLY well. Because my stomach has limited space, gas or sort back up from eating too quickly can’t be expelled by a burp; I am literally unable.
This journey has been frustrating, scary and quite indelicate at times; for me and for my wife. She deserves an award. I had to learn to eat for sustenance and not allow my ‘eyes to be bigger than my stomach’; literally and figuratively. I had to learn that there are going to be things that I will never eat again and embrace that. Pancakes, waffles, bread…just a few of the things I used to love that I simply can’t have since the surgery. I also have to avoid other favorites like bananas and pineapples, asparagus and broccoli; anything too high in sugar or too stringy/fibrous. Totally worth it though. If i have the unfortunate incidence of food getting stuck on the way down or getting an air bubble trapped while eating, I get one of two results. If I’m lucky, I can stand and walk or put my arms over my head or drink a little bit of a warm beverage and coax it on through. What often happens (here’s the indelicate part) is that it gets stuck and my body forces it back out the way it came. Sounds simple right? Well, because the size of my working tummy is greatly reduced, it’s probably one of the most uncomfortable and excruciating things I’ve experienced.
Looking back would I make the decision to have the procedure again? Absolutely!! I have been able to completely discontinue 4 medications. I no longer have pain and swelling in my muscles and joints. I find that I am a lot more adventurous because I can walk and move for longer periods of time without having to rest. We’ve been on hikes and to festivals and sporting events; I’m experiencing a lot more of my life as opposed to being an observer. I’m able to buy clothes of the rack which I’ve been too big to do for years. It feels AMAZING to be able to walk into the store and try things on. Most importantly, I’m starting to have more days where I feel good in my skin. Not every day but most days and that is a good feeling.
This has been one of the most amazing years of my life!!!
So, life has been happening and I have been crazy busy with living it. Unfortunately, my consistency with blogging has suffered but I am here to get you all caught up.
I got a fill about a month ago and then ended up at the hospital the next day because my band had been over-filled and I couldn’t ingest anything; not even liquids and barely air. That was a bit scary. I was afraid to eat for the next few days and sustained myself on protein shakes and soft foods. I got back to a regular diet but didn’t have nearly the loss that I usually do after a fill. I was OK with it though because I was fearful about getting any fluid put back in. When I went for my fill for the month (Tues 5/2), I managed to lose -3lbs for the month which isn’t as much as the 7-11lbs I should have lost but was more than I had expected so I was good. I was super nervous about it but I got my fill. I took it easy and went back to my liquid prep diet for a couple of days and things seems to be alright this time. I did my weigh-in on Friday, as usual and was down by -10lbs from the previous week. Woohoo!!!
What else is new? Tomi and I took an impromptu trip to the Oregon coast (Newport, OR) last weekend to see her cousin who is currently stationed there. Her cousin Ava works for NOAA and is a Crew Chief for them. They haven’t seen one another for over 40yrs. It was a short visit but it was fun playing catch up. We’re planning a trip to Mobile, AL to see Ava and even more family sometime during the holidays.
What else is new? We’ve started house hunting. When we came here originally, our plan was to be here temporarily. Here we are 12yrs later; it’s time to put down some roots. We got pre-qualified for a home loan and our realtor has been on the hunt ever since. It is definitely a seller’s market right now. Houses are sold almost as quickly as they are listed. So much so that we have only gotten to look at two houses. The first one we looked at was nice. It was built in the 40s and definitely needed some work but it was a good house. Our realtor had us look at another home yesterday evening and we like it so much that we withdrew our offer on the first house and put an offer on this one. It’s smaller than what we wanted and it will need a little TLC as well but I fell in love as soon as I walked in the door. If all goes according to plan (God’s and ours) we will be homeowners by the time our birthday’s roll around at the end of June. That will be an amazing birthday present!!
Otherwise, we have just been working and living. I will get with you guys after weigh-in on Friday and I will try to do better with being consistent (y’all pray for me on that one)
I’m feeling stuck…again. My weight this week was exactly the same as last week. That was a little deflating but I’ll take that over having a gain. I’m going to have to be more consistent about hitting the gym and eat way more veggies and a few less carbs.
This weekend, I posted a pic of me in my Mickey Mouse leggings. Two body shots in as many weeks? I’m feeling myself! I love them and felt like I look ok in them. It’s an extremely vulnerable place to be in for me, sharing myself. I find that in my vulnerability, there is strength. Luckily, I have an amazing support system which helps when I need a bit of shoring up.
I got to visit my home town this weekend. I got to see my parents and our youngest daughter (She just turned 26 on 1/23). I miss them so much so it also makes me feel ‘full’ to see them and be around them.
I also got to see cousins and countless others I have known my entire life who’ve become ‘family’. I’m glad we have our life in the the Tri-Cities and for all the ‘framily’ (friends that are like family) we’ve gained over the past 12yrs but there’s no place like home.
I have to admit that yesterday morning, I was feeling some kind of way after climbing on the scale. I did not have any weight loss this week. I mean, I was sad and wanted to go climb back in my bed.
Then, I gave myself a swift kick in the butt (mentally) and decided to focus on non-scale victories. I have lost 70lbs!! and while I didn’t have any weight loss this week, I also did not have any weight gain. Not even an ounce. I managed to shake it off. I put on my Miss Piggy t-shirt (because she’s fab and I am fab) and some cute jeans and a cute hat and came to work. Did I mention that the T-shirt is 6 sizes smaller than it would’ve been 6 months ago? Oh, and the jeans are 4 sizes smaller? I had my co-worker take a full-body pic (which I hate) so I could look at myself.I can see some differences.
This has been a really hard couple of weeks for me. The weather here has been less than desirable with 23 inches of snow and then a freak ice storem that left it so that people were able to ice skate in the streets. I have barely been able to get to work and after work, all I want to do is go home.
My plan for this week is to take my butt to the gym whether I feel like it or not. Getting active consistently is the one piece missing from my weight loss puzzle. If I can’t get to the gym then I am going to find a workout on Netflix, Hulu or YouTube and do that. It’s hard for me because I hate the idea of exercise but I am committed to changing my attitude. I’ve just got to do it. No excuses!